how's that for honesty

Too much happening! Way too much.

It has been a long time, and I (as usual) dropped the ball on blogging. I have tried several times to set up a blog that I actually want to post on. I think I might try again.

Content is hard to find for me. When I find stuff I usually don't have time to post or don't have access. I know that is a silly excuse in this age of smart phones and instant access to everything.

I guess I'm really old school. In order to keep costs down I don't have a smart phone, although I am seeing the need to upgrade. My laptop is old and clunky and I don't like to carry it around with me too much, again see the need to upgrade...

So here is the real reason for my post:

The past six years have been an emotional roller-coaster for me. There have been ups and downs, and lotsa slips sideways. Things have been rough for me socially, financially, emotionally, well pretty much every aspect of my life. I have settled down into a career path that I am really enjoying, and I've been working on my self. It has been a really long road and I'm just now starting to get some energy back. I am waking up in the morning just before my alarm and thinking "okay time to get up" instead of "I could get xx more time to sleep". Its a really big deal for me! I am also thinking about what I am eating and what I might like to do to get more active.

So, needless to say, I am feeling like the dark days might be coming to an end. So looking forward to what the universe has in store for me.

More Snow?

It is snowing again. I am trying to catch a decent picture of it, but I'm too lazy to go outside. I will continue to try so I can post what the Great White North looks like in March!

This is not what I need right now. More snow! I need to be out looking for work, not cozying up at home with my books and a coffee. I finally got out to talk to the guy at STEP, the government trades employment program. It took a lot to get me out there.

I had to totally trick myself,

I will just head out to do my shopping and I'll call them from the parking lot (cause my cell service at home sucks!)

Then I thought I will just drive out a little further to that park that I used to hang out at with my friends...

Then I'll just drive by the office to check out where it is...

Then I saw the guy I recognized from the trade shows I have been to,

and I got out of the car.

I am so glad that I did it, it really was a huge weight off my shoulders. The only problem is that now I have to actually do the work and write my resume and start sending it out. Yikes! Then people will read it and maybe want to call me... and then maybe put me to work.

I know this it what I am looking for and really it is the goal and all. But I am scared, that I won't deal well with rejection, that I might have to actually work hard, that I might actually succeed.

I am sitting here at home:

I have finished my homework, had dinner, and prepped lunch for tomorrow. I thought this might be a good time to write.

I haven't written anything for a long time and I have to say I am feeling a little guilty. There has been so much going on that I don't even have time to read the stuff I normally read on Blogger. I feel so out of touch. Like I fell into the Carpentry Vortex. It is all I can think about, no social life (well not much), I am getting to fewer and fewer meetings, I know it isn't healthy, cause life is all about balance. Right now I guess I am on the contra-dependent swing. My usual swing is from overly dependent on others to hyper-self sufficient.

The thing is at school I am learning all this new stuff, and I want to put it to use, Right Now!

I don't want to wait until the course is over and I get a job. I want to build stuff now.

I went to the flea market this weekend and looked at all the old tools and even bought a few. I know that I got some good stuff, it is quality stuff and in not bad condition, little rusty but (almost) complete and straight. I got a Stanley No5 Jack plane, for $20! All it is missing is the chipper. I am so looking forward to using my hand tools to make use of some of the material that others think is scrap, and make some beautiful stuff out of it. I know it is all fantasy at this point. But really the sky is the limit (and yes I know about the Sky Hooks).

I took a book out of the library of woodworking projects, and there are a few things I am going to sketch out some of the ideas and build my own version of... Cause I never follow a pattern exactly.

For the first time in a long time I am excited, like really excited, about something.

I guess this is part of the pendulum swing... Each time I get a little closer to balance.

There is good in this world and I am feeling part of it today.

I have been living in this particular basement suite for more than two years. I was in a really tough spot when I chose it. I was running away from a very abusive relationship and had nowhere to go and no time. I found this place kinda by accident, I looked at a place down the street and took too long to decide and they gave it to someone else. I saw the sign on the window of this place and took a look cause I was desperate. It looked okay, notice I say LOOKED. So far every time something happens that needs to be fixed it takes months to even get a response from the landlord. And they still haven't finished the things they promised to do before I moved in. The landlords do not speak any English, and unfortunately I do not speak any Punjabi. So we have this major communication barrier. I have very recently decided that I need to move. The problem with that is that I have no money, and am starting school in a couple of days. I have way too much stuff and not enough time. I am reflecting on what my life has been for the last year or so, and I have wasted so much time. I have been feeling so sorry for myself and woe is me, I can't do anything right and Please feel sorry for me... It is so destructive.

So here I am starting school in two days, with a leaky toilet, fighting with the landlord, hating where I live and how much stuff I have. I could go on...

But today is a whole new day. I can make today anything I want it to be. I can get up off my butt and start something.

On a slightly lighter note. (Okay whole lot lighter)

My funding got approved. I was scheduled to get my first deposit tomorrow. I just checked my bank balance and the deposit came in a day early! ***Yay!*** I get to go shopping today. :) Tools and Supplies today, and books tomorrow. I might even hit up a thrift store cause I really need some jeans.

Anyway... I have stuff to do. Time to get some breaky in my belly and get moving.