Again with the moment of transition. I have come to a turning point.

I just got home from a celebration of one year of sobriety for a very lovely girl I know. I know how special she is by the way that she has touched my life. I shouldn't be shocked that she has touched so many others in a very similar way. I don't know if she realizes how special to me. I am so not good at expressing those emotional things. But that is part of my journey, to learn, or rather relearn how to do that.

I was talking to Ange last night. I made a realization as I was saying it to her that I don't know how to tell people how important they are to me. I don't tell the people I love that I love them enough.

Today was a good day. I made a plan to go to the woman's center to seek some help with what happened with my ex-boyfriend. And it turns out they aren't open on the weekend. Silly people, women have problems anyday of the week. I made the plan with Ange, because she is the only person I have really trusted with telling all the dirty little secrets. I know they are neither dirty nor little, but I hate to air my dirty laundry to ANYONE.

We spent most of the rest of today together and got a bunch of running around done and some of it had been on my to do list for months. I used a gift card from like four years ago that my sister and her husband gave me to do some diy projects I was thinking about. I bought some dirt to fill some planters that I want to grow some herbs and veggies in on my patio. I have been meaning to do it for several months (years).

This is insane to admit. But I have been using a bottle of nasty dish soap for the past couple of months. I am not sure how long it has been, but I know that it was given to me around Xmas cause that was the last time I saw that friend. It is truly horrible it leaves a residue on the dishes that smells like stale beer, yuk. Since I first opened the bottle I thought I would go to the dollar store and get a little bottle of anything else to mix it with because I hate to waste anything. This was my plan to save/use up this nasty soap. The offending bottle is 3/4 gone. Now I have a little bottle of name brand soap to mix it with and I almost don't want to pollute the good stuff with the old stuff now. (Truly feel ridiculous saying that.)

I have got a really big day planned for tomorrow. I am a little anxious.

I have an appointment with the learning specialist at the school, I have my Monday nooner, and I am going to try again to see someone at the woman's center. I don't know if I am ready. That is a lot to do. Especially for me, where lately getting out of the house for a noon meeting has been challenging for me.

Now comes the list...

I list, I may, I list, I might have this list I list tonight.

I need to do laundry, I need to make bread, I have to clean my washroom, I have to plant my planters, I really, really need to change my sheets and flip my bed, I want to do a tarot reading (it has been more than a month). I have so much stuff to do and so little energy, I have lots of time so that isn't a problem. I just can't get my butt moving to get anything done. I seem to be unable to finish anything.
Oh woe is me. Please feel sorry for me, I don't feel sorry enough for myself.

Yikes!

Time to go to bed now, maybe I can get 7 hours of sleep. Did I mention that I am not sleeping well, average of 3-5 hours a night. No wonder I am always tired.

Here is something I can do. I can pray tonight for good sleep, and put in my earplugs. After setting my alarm and selecting vibrate so that the bed will shake when it goes off. Although, I have very rarely woken up with the earplugs still in my ears, I usually have to search for them in the pillows and blankets.

Things that I am grateful for today:
My family, that they still love me through all my crazies.
My friend Ange, she has been so supportive lately.
My program, where else can I hear such a great message.
My general health, I am able to breathe easily and move about to do the stuff I need and want to do.

There is a lot in my life that is so amazing. I am so fortunate to have what I have.

Now it really is time to sleep. Good Night World.