I am trying to make decisions.

I have started a new household binder, to take up some of the paper junk I keep around. I am putting everything into it that I have on a piece of paper that I don't want to keep in my head anymore. It is filling up fast.

I am working on a master shopping list. Whenever I am writing a shopping list I get through the stuff I need every day and then come to a road block, I just can't think of the stuff I need. Then when I do remember I am nowhere near a list then I forget again before I can write it down.

I want structure in my life. How do I do that? I dunno.

I want to blog on a weekly basis. But which day am I going to write? And how do I make the decision what to write? There is always so much running through my head. Like now. I am getting ready for work, thinking about home organization, wondering when I will see my BF next, what am I going to make for dinner at 4am when I get home, how much more can I handle? And that is just a few. I have craft projects I want to finish, some I want to start, some I have been saving materials for that I want to work on. But I haven't done more than a couple minutes in more than six months. It has been so long since I worked on my puzzle quilt that it is starting to fall off the design wall.

I was contemplating my storage room the other day. (That is almost enough by itself) I saw the jigsaw puzzles that Mom and Dad gave me for my birthday last year. At the time I just took the box and added it to the heap. I would like to bring it out and do a puzzle with BF, too bad there is nowhere to spread out a puzzle board.

Maybe 13 is going to be my lucky number. This year I started out wanting to downsize and organize my stuff and get on with life. Well I am going to get organized even if it kills me. But I think that next year is going to be my year. So far I have made a mess of this one.

There is always something else I should be doing. I should be getting my stuff ready for work or prepping my shopping list, or doing some house work. But I want to write on my journal.

It is funny how things kinda go where they want to go. Not always where I thought they would.

Well life isn't sitting waiting for me, I better go get to it.

Okay, I was feeling a little down the other day. (UNDERSTATEMENT)
The good news is I am feeling a little better now.

Tonight is my Friday, and I have some plans for the weekend. If it is nice out tomorrow, I am going to find a park or beach to chill at with a book and maybe a nap. I have been wanting to get out in nature more and what better time than right now while the weather is nice.

I know J has plans for me tomorrow afternoon, so I need to get some sleep. But I want so much to take care of myself. Can I do it all? Maybe.

I was restless yesterday while I was supposed to be sleeping. I ended up getting up and sorting through a couple of boxes (goes well with the get organized theme from earlier this year). I got my dishes done and some laundry, felt pretty good heading out to work last night. Then had a good shift. Strange things are going on, my life is actually working out for a change.

Really that is about all I have to say right now. Strange to me that things are not catastrophic. I am so used to living in a constant state of crisis, this is new to me.

Okay, I gotta get back to bed. I work tonight then at 3am my weekend starts. So looking forward to it!

I have been feeling really disconnected from life.


All I do is work and sleep.

It is almost as if life isn't happening to me right now.

I have all these ideas.
Of things I want to create, with fabric, and yarn, and I want to build stuff.

I want to grow a garden.

I have met this great guy, I hardly get to see him because of my schedule.

I have family that I miss terribly.

I have friends that I miss almost as much.

The seasons have changed and I hardly even noticed.

All I do is work and sleep.

Thinking about etiquette, especially of the internet variety.

Things I know:
-it is not polite to comment anonymously on a blog that isn't privacy conscious, it also is not polite to comment publicly on an anonymous blog.
-it is polite to link back to other bloggers you refer to.
-it is polite to comment on a fellow blogger's comment on my blog.


Things I am not sure of:
-how much do I say about a fellow blogger when I link back to them.
-what is appropriate to comment on others' blogs.
-if or how I can send an 'I miss hearing from you, how is it going?' message to someone I enjoy reading.
-can I message people at strange hours, are they going to get annoying beeps etc in the middle of the night.

I know I am totally over thinking this. It is all very random. If I want to get my messages right away I leave my email open, if I don't want to be disturbed I close everything down. I know I would love to get a random message from someone to see how life is. But I value my anonymity, I don't want everyone to know who I am.

I think now I am going to talk a little about anonymity.

Where I work everyone knows my name. Mostly because of my position, I get paged quite a lot. And lots of people get referred to me, 'go ask Bubbles, she can help you', the part that really drives me crazy is that all these people know my name and I only know them by their department. I have tried to get to know everyone's name, I get them all mixed up and call people by the wrong name, it was very embarassing so I gave that up. But once in a while it is nice when someone asks for my name. This happened last night. Our store is renovating so there is a construction crew around all the time. I am getting to know some of them by face and to say hello. Well, I got a flat tire last night and one of the guys pointed it out to me, and wanted to help me get it sorted out. He actually didn't know my name and asked for it, introducing himself at the same time. It was so refreshing, that there are people who don't know my name.

This all sounds really silly to me. It is my name. I have it for a reason, as a society we use names to identify. But my feelings are: that it is my name and I should get to choose who knows it.

Makes me think of that Brad Paisley song 'online' 

How much pressure there is by society to portray the best of yourself at all times, even if it is not entirely true.