I am trying to make decisions.

I have started a new household binder, to take up some of the paper junk I keep around. I am putting everything into it that I have on a piece of paper that I don't want to keep in my head anymore. It is filling up fast.

I am working on a master shopping list. Whenever I am writing a shopping list I get through the stuff I need every day and then come to a road block, I just can't think of the stuff I need. Then when I do remember I am nowhere near a list then I forget again before I can write it down.

I want structure in my life. How do I do that? I dunno.

I want to blog on a weekly basis. But which day am I going to write? And how do I make the decision what to write? There is always so much running through my head. Like now. I am getting ready for work, thinking about home organization, wondering when I will see my BF next, what am I going to make for dinner at 4am when I get home, how much more can I handle? And that is just a few. I have craft projects I want to finish, some I want to start, some I have been saving materials for that I want to work on. But I haven't done more than a couple minutes in more than six months. It has been so long since I worked on my puzzle quilt that it is starting to fall off the design wall.

I was contemplating my storage room the other day. (That is almost enough by itself) I saw the jigsaw puzzles that Mom and Dad gave me for my birthday last year. At the time I just took the box and added it to the heap. I would like to bring it out and do a puzzle with BF, too bad there is nowhere to spread out a puzzle board.

Maybe 13 is going to be my lucky number. This year I started out wanting to downsize and organize my stuff and get on with life. Well I am going to get organized even if it kills me. But I think that next year is going to be my year. So far I have made a mess of this one.

There is always something else I should be doing. I should be getting my stuff ready for work or prepping my shopping list, or doing some house work. But I want to write on my journal.

It is funny how things kinda go where they want to go. Not always where I thought they would.

Well life isn't sitting waiting for me, I better go get to it.

Okay, I was feeling a little down the other day. (UNDERSTATEMENT)
The good news is I am feeling a little better now.

Tonight is my Friday, and I have some plans for the weekend. If it is nice out tomorrow, I am going to find a park or beach to chill at with a book and maybe a nap. I have been wanting to get out in nature more and what better time than right now while the weather is nice.

I know J has plans for me tomorrow afternoon, so I need to get some sleep. But I want so much to take care of myself. Can I do it all? Maybe.

I was restless yesterday while I was supposed to be sleeping. I ended up getting up and sorting through a couple of boxes (goes well with the get organized theme from earlier this year). I got my dishes done and some laundry, felt pretty good heading out to work last night. Then had a good shift. Strange things are going on, my life is actually working out for a change.

Really that is about all I have to say right now. Strange to me that things are not catastrophic. I am so used to living in a constant state of crisis, this is new to me.

Okay, I gotta get back to bed. I work tonight then at 3am my weekend starts. So looking forward to it!

I have been feeling really disconnected from life.


All I do is work and sleep.

It is almost as if life isn't happening to me right now.

I have all these ideas.
Of things I want to create, with fabric, and yarn, and I want to build stuff.

I want to grow a garden.

I have met this great guy, I hardly get to see him because of my schedule.

I have family that I miss terribly.

I have friends that I miss almost as much.

The seasons have changed and I hardly even noticed.

All I do is work and sleep.